thehoyden: DO IT. IT WILL BE OUR FLAILY MESSAGE OF LOVE TO THE WORLD!
Well, you know me, and you all know that I cannot resist FLAILY MESSAGES OF LOVE TO THE WORLD, SO:
Jeeves & Wooster are in love.
From assorted Jeeves & Wooster stories by P.G. Wodehouse:
Life became like what the poet Johnnie says—one grand, sweet song. Things went on so comfortably and peacefully for a couple of weeks that I give you my word that I'd almost forgotten such a person as Motty existed. The only flaw in the scheme of things was that Jeeves was still pained and distant. It wasn't anything he said or did, mind you, but there was a rummy something about him all the time. Once when I was tying the pink tie I caught sight of him in the looking-glass. There was a kind of grieved look in his eye.
I felt most awfully braced. I felt as if the clouds had rolled away and all was as it used to be. I felt like one of those chappies in the novels who calls off the fight with his wife in the last chapter and decides to forget and forgive. I felt I wanted to do all sorts of other things to show Jeeves that I appreciated him.
The thing, you see, is that Jeeves is so dashed competent. You can spot it even in the way he shoves studs into a shirt.
Hoyden to me:
Jeeves does a lot of things to Bertie that are probably not supposed to be as dirty as they sound. In the story I'm reading right now, Bertie comes in late to dress for dinner and Jeeves is kind of pissed that he's late, but of course he just totally has his way with Bertie and has him perfect. And then he's like:
"Very good, sir. Pardon me, your tie."
"What's wrong with it?"
"Everything, sir. If you will allow me."
"All right, go ahead. But I can't help asking myself it ties really matter at a time like this."
"There is no time when ties do not matter, sir."
Sometimes of a morning, as I've sat in bed sucking down the early cup of tea and watched my man Jeeves flitting about the room and putting out the raiment for the day, I've wondered what the deuce I should do if the fellow ever took it into his head to leave me. It's not so bad now I'm in New York, but in London the anxiety was frightful. There used to be all sorts of attempts on the part of low blighters to sneak him away from me. Young Reggie Foljambe to my certain knowledge offered him double what I was giving him, and Alistair Bingham-Reeves, who's got a valet who had been known to press his trousers sideways, used to look at him, when he came to see me, with a kind of glittering hungry eye which disturbed me deucedly.
Jeeves was standing on the horizon, looking devilish brainy.
It was a wrench, but I felt it was the only possible thing to be done.
"Bring my shaving things."
A gleam of hope shone in the chappie's eye, mixed with doubt.
"You mean, sir?"
"And shave off my moustache."
There was a moment's silence. I could see the fellow was deeply moved.
"Thank you very much indeed, sir," he said, in a low voice, and popped off.
Hoyden to me:
Gussie & Bertie talking:
"Half the married men you meet began by talking about the sunset."
"But what can I say about the sunset?"
"Well, Jeeves got off a good one the other day. I met him airing the dog in the park one evening, and he said, 'Now fades the glimmering landscape on the sight, sir, and all the air a solemn stillness holds.' You might use that."
AHAHA BERTIE TRYING TO USE JEEVES'S PICK-UP LINES.
Today, after an entire chapter where Bertie is asking Jeeves every five minutes about what word/phrase he is thinking of, Jeeves finally asks BERTIE for something on the tip of his tongue - he's like, it's a phrase you use sometimes to indicate a deficiency of sweetness and light in a gentleman. and Bertie's like, A stinker? A tough baby? A twenty-minute egg? And the twenty-minute egg is exactly the phrase Jeeves was reaching for.
The drawback to this otherwise singularly fruity binge was, of course, the fact that Jeeves wouldn't be on the spot to watch me in action.
'Bertie,' she said, suddenly, as if she had just remembered it, 'what is the name of that man of yours - your valet?'
'Eh? Oh, Jeeves.'
'I think he's a bad influence for you,' said Honoria. 'When we are married, you must get rid of Jeeves.'
It was at this point that I jerked the spoon and sent six of the best and crispest sailing on to the sideboard, with Spenser gambolling after them like a dignified old retriever.
'Get rid of Jeeves!' I gasped.
'Yes. I don't like him.'
'I don't like him,' said Aunt Agatha.
'But I can't. I mean - why, I couldn't carry on for a day without Jeeves.'
'You will have to,' said Honoria. 'I don't like him at all.'
'I don't like him at all,' said Aunt Agatha. 'I never did.'
Ghastly, what? I'd always had an idea that marriage was a bit of a wash-out, but I'd never dreamed that it demanded such frightful sacrifices from a fellow. I passed the rest of the meal in a sort of stupor.
'Jeeves!' I said, 'I believe you worked the whole thing!'
'I believe you had the jolly old situation in hand right from the start.'
'Well, sir, Spenser, Mrs Gregson's butler, who inadvertently chanced to overhear something of your conversation when you were lunching at the house, did mention certain of the details to me; and I confess that, though it may be a liberty to say so, I entertained hopes that something might occur to prevent the match. (OH JEEVES OF COURSE YOU DID <3) I doubt if the young lady was entirely suitable to you, sir.'
'And she would have shot you out on your ear five minutes after the ceremony.'
'Yes, sir. Spenser informed me that she had expressed some such intention.'
(ahaha I just keep picturing Jeeves sabotaging anyone who would come between him and Bertie.)
SERIOUSLY EVEN THE BOOK COVERS ARE SHIPPING THEM
'For I may hope, may I not, sir, that you will allow me to remain permanently in your service?'
'You may indeed, Jeeves. It often beats me, though, why with your superlative gifts you should want to.'
'There is a tie that binds, sir.'
'A what that whats?'
'A tie that binds, sir.'
'Then heaven bless it and may it continue to bind indefinitely.'
eta: EXHIBIT B: EXCUSE ME, LADIES, THERE IS NOTHING JEEVES WOULD NOT DO FOR BERTIE:
Jeeves & Wooster are in love.