I no longer have any plans to finish Love Under Will.
It breaks my heart to say that. I'm tearing up as I write this. It's like saying a final goodbye to an old friend. A good friend of mine told me six months ago that I either needed to buckle down and finish it or just forget it and stop beating myself up about it.
When something you love becomes the albatross around your neck then you need to know when to cast that weight off. I used to think that when you took on fandom, especially HP fandom, you took on the responsibilities and expectations of that fandom. I used to think fandom was a responsibility. And that it was my responsibility to finish LUW.
I don't feel that way anymore. I am going to feel incredibly guilty about it, but that's because I feel guilty about everything. But at least this way I won't feel guilty about leading anyone on anymore.
I hate that I'm hitting post. But I suspect most of you have known for a long time what I couldn't admit to myself. When you're through with a fic you're through. And I think I've been through with LUW for longer than I've wanted to be.
Anyway. I'm sorry to everyone who has been trusting my word when I said I'd finish. I'm sorry to everyone who has been patiently waiting.
This isn't a fandom farewell. But it is me cutting my losses. I don't really feel like I have a role in the HP fandom anymore. I haven't in about two years, whatever other fandoms have come my way. Half-Blood Prince, with a three-dimensional, center stage Draco Malfoy, the culmination of so many years of wishing and discussing and wanting, was really the end of my participation in Harry Potter fandom. There was nothing I wanted from HP fandom anymore, or from myself in fandom.
It's done. I love you all. I am not saying goodbye. I'm here if you need me. But I'm done expecting you to. ♥