I miss my friends. I miss my ex-best friend who hasn't spoken to me for 18 months, and I miss my other closest friend who got married in May and I miss my other closest friend who moved to Seattle in February. I miss Jen who will probably never forgive me for missing the workshop of her play, and I miss Mike who it is my own fault for not keeping in touch with, and Joy who helped me start writing again and whom I adore even though she is in France and not thinking of me. I miss commonlogic who I haven't heard from in ages. I miss Ewa from Poland whom I never emailed after we fell out of touch, and I miss Spring whose email I have had in my inbox since bloody March without replying to, and I miss squealy who I used to talk to every day and now only email once in a blue moon, and that's all my fault, too, and I miss pinkocracy whom I haven't talked to in months other than to play "cheesy voice mail message phone tag" with. I miss epistolarie, who is the most wonderful person in the whole wide world and who I never seem to appreciate enough. I miss hisgirlspacey and haeroq321 who I think about umpteen times a day, and also Scarlet Loser, whom just thinking about makes me wistful. I miss my mom and my grandmother. I miss my favourite cousin who just turned 21 and my aunt who is having surgery today. I miss my dog PJ who died 6 years ago, and Weasley the cat, who pinkocracy and I co-own, who is currently catching all the mice in my grandmother's yard. I miss the way the early morning fog looks over the cotton fields around my house on Tennessee mornings like this. I miss Philip. I miss Matt and Grace. I miss Soulstice, and the people who were Soulstice. I even miss Kelly, though I don't miss her religion. I miss Stacey--I miss her so so much, and I wish I could make things right between us, the way they were before R. I miss the music school, I miss singing--but I don't think that will ever be the same again. And I think I miss me, most of all--me the way I used to be before I lost my passion and my drive and my dedication--the things I only seem to be able to find when I'm immersing myself in H/D lurve these days.
Sigh. It is a gorgeous wonderful beautiful glorious hope-filled day outside. I am going out. If anyone catches me online today, flog me thoroughly and send me back out again.