February 2nd, 2003

(no subject)

Eh. This is rather random and also hypocritical of me, considering I just did the big Mass Defriending thing not too long ago--and handled it very badly, naturally, and have been trying to gradually re-add everybody I defriended--but whenever somebody defriends you, doesn't it make you kinda glum? I mean, I know I really don't know most of the people who friend me, and I try to check out their journals whenever they do, but at the same time, if people don't talk to me or comment on my livejournal so that I *can* meet them, I really don't have a way of keeping up with them. So whenever somebody defriends me it makes me feel a little guilty: there's somebody I could have gotten to know and didn't, and now for whatever reason they've decided I'm not worth the effort. It makes me a bit glum. Why do you guys take people off your friends list? I did it because I just didn't have time to read everybody's entries. I didn't mean it to be personal in my case, so naturally I'm taking it personally. What is with people? We always make everything personal. Everything is always about us. Damn. We suck. Or maybe that's just me who sucks.

I just tried to get into Armchair chat and couldn't. Is anybody even there?

Yesterday, all I did, all day, was study. I was *so* good. I'm not only caught up, I'm ahead of the reading. Considering the fact that my last 2 semesters in the music school I literally had to be dragged by my friends to classes, most of which I still managed to skip, and never even attempted to study, this is something I'm kind of afraid is too good to last. I keep expecting to wake up and think 'what's the use?' and start skipping all my classes. That's what it was like for me for a while. I mean, there's a reason I took time off and called it a recuperation period, but it's been so long since I was the kind of diligent student that got A's in everything that I'm not sure what to make of all this. So I'm studying and hoping nothing changes. Of course, today, I had to go blow it by wasting most of the day. I mean, I watched a few movies and tried--oh, god, the trying--to finish my Lit Challenge fic for isilya. And I got nowhere. So now I am feeling morose, despondent, and unproductive. It really sucks when you can't get inspired to finish a fic. I keep putting off writing LUW which I really *want* to write because I'm supposed to have all this other stuff done first. So naturally I don't get any of it done, and then I mope. Like I'm doing now. Fuck, pay no attention to this. I should just go somewhere and read about Britten.

Those of you who are hearing back from Nimbus, are you getting your panel verdicts by email or regular mail?????

Maya, anyone, more H/D right about now would be lovely....

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  • Current Music
    Britten, Cello Concerto--Rostropovich