March 14th, 2008

next week i'm thinking of learning the internet.

Thing I have Accomplished This Week - an Epic List:

1. Dunked my toe in an open container of garlic butter. I can't explain how this happened without looking utterly deranged.

2. Accidentally stopped biting my fingernails.

3. Won a statue of a vacuum cleaner.

4. Gotten caught murmuring "M-Flo's in the house, act like you know" by my co-worker. Work is no place for J-pop and its disastrous side-effects. :|

5. Discovered the scandal of James Frey and A Million Little Pieces, which is 4 years old and of interest to no one, except that I'm struck by the fact that a long line of friends, agents, editors, publicists, and Oprah Winfreys could have read tripe like this -

And then there's the time in Paris... Frey stops into a church to have a good cry. There, a "Priest," while pretending to listen to Frey's description of his wrecked life, makes a lunge for Frey's crotch. "You must not resist God's will, my Son," says the priest.

- and believed it. It's sort of scary and sad how such hoaxes succeed on the basis of their appeal to our lowest, basest forms of prejudice and types of tittilation. They are the kinds that manipulate us the most shamelessly, and leave us most ashamed in ourselves when they are revealed to be fake.

6. Read Un Lun Dun by China Mieville, which I'll have more to say about later. However, I must say that the many fine things I've heard about his writing notwithstanding, I would have read his books much faster if I'd known he looked like this. I don't know about you, but after this I'm going to be vastly disappointed if all fantasy writers don't at least display a tattooed forearm or two in their publicity shots.

7. forced Kish to write beautiful Tezuryo, without any notion of how to make her do it again and again and again without my having to kick her repeatedly. She seems to be all about Oshitari/Atobe now but I KNOW it's just because Zoe talks to her more. HER HEART IS WITH ME, MY SHIP, MINE, and come to think of it, YOU LOVE TEZURYO, WHY ARE YOU WORKING AGAINST YOUR OWN INTERESTS, ZOE? God, the life of a tyrannical fandom matriarch is so hard.

8. failed repeatedly to write any of the many things floating around in my brain demanding to be written Collapse )

9. Written intead: a 3,000 word essay on why Light Yagami is a sociopath, currently sitting there in its ridiculously unread glory reminding me that I'm not even in this fandom.

Fine, Death Note! YOU DON'T DESERVE MY BIASED, LONG-WINDED, AND UNNECESSARY META. Next time I need to ramble on about my serial killer kink I'll just go cozy up to, idk, Dexter fandom. Or for that matter, to Fuji fans. ^__^

And.... the most staggering accomplishment of the week:

10. I have come to possess a giant letter 'e.'

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'Hey,' I said right after hanging up my e, to no one in particular. 'Did you know that letters as wall hangings are really trendy in the design world right now?'

'Really?' said Zon. 'I need to start reading more design blogs.'

'Oh!' I said, mildly startled, as Zon doesn't quite seem the type to worry about decorating. 'I can rec you some good ones. Everyone loves Apartment Therapy, for starters...'

'Oh,' said Zon. 'I meant -' he hesitated and looked at my blank face sadly. 'You know. The Geek kind.'

'Oh,' I said. 'Right. Because this is a web design company.'

'Sometimes we even use computers,' he said gently.


'It's good that you're developing an innate understanding of your job,' he said.

'Go, Aja, go!' my boss chimed in.

Then he threw a football at me. I ducked.

It hit the giant e.

It's planning vengeance.

I can tell.