April 27th, 2010

¡ cranberry juice

The Music of the Night? Turned out to be Slow Jams.

Every now and again I make posts that I almost feel silly making bc the point is so obvious. Like making a post to say "eating soap is bad," or "more queer characters and women is good," or "falling for a psychotically violent guy is bad." And yet! People keep creating these -things- that feel like the creative equivalent of ripping the audience's collective mouth open and stuffing it full of lye.

And as Carlotta said, "These things do 'appen," which is why I am going to tell you all about LOVE NEVER DIES: the Sequel to Phantom of the Opera.

Phantom, as you might possibly be aware, is Andrew Lloyd Webber's epic blockbuster musical about a psychopath with half a face who builds a lair under an opera house and kills a few people to achieve what would seem a rather contradictory dual goal of turning Christine Daae into a diva and kidnapping her to live with him forever in the catacombs of Paris, which don't actually exist. Like all good musical theatre nerd-children of the 90's, I have 15 million pieces of Phantom memorabilia and I can still probably sing every word of the OBCR. I love Phantom the way I love all relics of my childhood, and I care about the Sequel to Phantom the way I care that someone is remaking She-Ra: Princess of Power into a live-action CGI-blockbuster directed by Michael Bay. Alas, if this post were only about She-Ra (though if it were they'd probably find someway to fuck her over, too!).

Love Never Dies, the thrilling sequel, is currently premiering to pans in London. There is a delightfully snarky review of it here at the Times Online, which also does us all the favor of revealing the entire plot. If you don't want to read spoilers for the sequel to Phantom of the Opera, then something is very wrong with you, but in any case, you now have fair warning, because the relevant snippets of the review are Collapse )

Let me echo this reviewer in noting how COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS all of this is. it is SO RIDICULOUS. it is so! ridiculous! that it almost doesn't bear posting about, because it's SO STUPID IN EVERY WAY ASFJKDSF except that
a) this is at least 3 years of my obsessive little life we are talking about, taken and up-ended and made ludicrous, where before it was mostly just highly fantastic and improbable; and also, far more importantly,
b) it is exactly what I was ranting about last month: rape being disguised as "I love you," x 10000000000.

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