alicey's First H/D fic! (Well, first one with a plot. Huzzah!)
Aja: wah i am tired and can't write anything
Aja: draco and harry are just staring at each other! there is no snogging!
Aja: there is no love!
Alicey: that eventually turns on him and mauls him to death.
Alicey: Have them just sit and stare at each other.
Alicey: Make Harry challenge Draco to thumb-wrestling.
Aja: that would be lovely! i might, at that
Alicey: Make Draco hmph petulantly in response.
Alicey: "Thumb-wrestle with you, Potter? Hah!"
Aja: actually, now that you have mentioned it, i think you should write that
Alicey: "That's a real insult. Let's go outside and do something more characteristic and OOC."
Alicey: "Water the garden."
vanityfair009: well? then what??
Alicey: They go out, and can't do it, due to their inability to untangle the garden hose.
Alicey: Draco says, "There's an empty, abandoned outhouse filled with rubbish." Harry queries in response, "What should we do there?"
Alicey: Draco gives him an evil look. "We shall... oh, just come on and follow me."
Alicey: They go over there. Now, they're inside and peer around curiously.
Alicey: Draco gives Harry an evil smirk and gives him a pair of rubber gloves and a plastic garbage disposal bag.
Alicey: "We shall clean up, Potter. Mwuahahaha!"
Alicey: So Harry disconsolately cleans up the junk-filled garden shack while Draco directs him what to do, since cleaning is servant's work.
Alicey: Harry actually has fun in the process. There are lots of interesting things in the shack, like garden shears and weed killer.
Alicey: Harry opens up a bag of weed killer to inspect the contents. The fumes waft up out of him and take away his breath.
Aja: oh, my!
Alicey: "Potter, you're not supposed to be down on the ground, twitching like that. Get up," says Draco.
Alicey: He goes over and nudges Harry's cheek with a boot-covered foot. Harry dribbles on it.
Alicey: "Disgusting, Potter. Get up. Joke's over!"
Alicey: "Potter? Come on. It's not funny."
Alicey: Draco realizes the seriousness of the situation.
Alicey: He wibbles.
Alicey: He tries to recall certain life saving techniques that he has learned from Advanced Muggle Studies.
Alicey: "I'm pretty sure I do this.." says Draco. He stands on Harry's solar plexus.
Alicey: Harry goes "glrrrgh."
Alicey: "And then, I bend back his elbow ninety degrees..."
Alicey: "Oh. It's stuck. "
Alicey: "HOUSEELF! GET A MEDIWIZARD!"
Alicey: A nearby house elf runs off to fetch Mediwizards. In a few moments, they have arrived at the garden shack.
Alicey: THey inspect Harry, and within moments, he is revived.
Alicey: They do this by means of protruding the gum that was stuck in the back of his throat.
Alicey: "Der," goes Draco.
Alicey: "Cough, cough," goes Harry.
Alicey: "See, I was smelling those fumes, and I kind of coughed, then I choked. You need someone to teach you proper CPR."
Aja: and? and? and?
Alicey: So Harry takes Draco to a proper life-saving class.
Alicey: There, they learn proper life-saving techniques.
Aja: and? and?Alicey: The instructor tells them they'll have to practice CPR.
Alicey: Draco shoots a look at Harry.
Alicey: The instructor says, "You'll be performing on these plastic dummies."
Alicey: Draco looks sullen.
Aja: *as does Aja*
Alicey: Draco ends up snogging plastic for the next fifteen minutes, saving the plastic dummy's would-be life.
Aja: i hope he makes harry jealous!
Alicey: The instructor tells him to find a partner to practice on.
Alicey: "Can I practice on Harry?" says Draco.
Alicey: The instructor goes, "Certainly. I just hope he has a high pain tolerance."
Alicey: "Der?" says Draco, puzzedly.
Alicey: Harry lies down on the ground and looks worried while Draco saunters over, but the instructor stops Draco.
Alicey: "No, no... we're not learning the CPR technique anymore!"
Alicey: "We're learning the Heimlich maneuver!"
Alicey: "Isn't that fabulous?" continues the instructor.
Aja: oh dear!
Alicey: Draco looks sullen and punches the instructor, who chokes on the piece of gum he has been chewing on.
Alicey: But since he has not taught the heimlich maneuver to anyone in class yet, no one can save him.
Alicey: The instructor dies a horrible, asphixiating death.
Alicey: Harry tells Draco, "That was amusing!"
Alicey: "Well, you watched me perform CPR on a plastic man for 15 minutes," said Draco.
Alicey: "Do you want to try now?" leers Draco.
Alicey: "Sure!" Harry says. He turns to a blonde chick behind him, and asks her if he can practice CPR.
Alicey: "Certainly," says the blonde chick. She goes to fetch him a plastic dummy.
Alicey: Harry performs CPR on the plastic dummy for 15 minutes.
Alicey: Draco rolls his eyes.
Alicey: He takes out a stick of gum and chews on it. Suddenly, the instructor comes back from the grave and glares at Draco.
Alicey: Draco, out of shock, chokes on the gum. He loses consciousness and falls on the ground, twitching.
Aja: oh no~!
Alicey: "Oh, no! Draco!" cries Harry.
Alicey: "I must think. Hmm."
Alicey: "Heyyy. There's that CPR thing...
Alicey: but I never learned how to do the Heimlich thing."
Alicey: Harry looks around quickly, however, and sees an instructive poster on how to perform the Heimlich maneuver.
Alicey: "Can I practice that on you, Mrs. Chick?" he asks the blonde chick.
Alicey: "Yes, you may."
Alicey: Harry practices on her, accidentally cracking a few of her ribs.
Alicey: "That's okay. You did a good job. A little lower below the ribs next time, though."
Alicey: "Alright. I got to take care of Draco now. See, he's turning blue."
Alicey: So Harry runs over to Draco and performs the Heimlich maneuver on Draco perfectly.
Alicey: Gum flies across the room. But alas, Draco is not breathing.
Alicey: "Alas!" says Harry.
Alicey: "What shall I do?"
Alicey: "Heyyy... CPR! Whee!"
Alicey: "How do I do it on a real person though? I've practiced on a dummy.."
Alicey: "but there's no time to practice on the blonde chick. Might as well as go for it."
Alicey: Harry snogs Draco for a while, and realizes he's doing the incorrect thing.
Alicey: Draco is now purple.
Alicey: "Ohhh, so I'm supposed to give him breaths of life?"
Alicey: Harry does the proper thing, huffing and puffing into Draco's lungs.
Alicey: He pounds Draco's chest until his heart starts working again.
Alicey: Draco wakens with a start to find Harry beating on his chest.
Alicey: "Harry! That's abuse!"
Alicey: "Draco! You're alive!"
Alicey: "Let me give you a few more breaths of air.."
Alicey: Draco grins.
Alicey: Harry performs some more "CPR" on him to make sure he is okay, then they get up and walk away, hand in hand.
Alicey: THE END