let's get the seven lines. (bookshop) wrote,
let's get the seven lines.
bookshop

  • Mood:
  • Music:

oh, heck. if you can't beat 'em, mock 'em.

In response to anatsuno, who has been musing over the proper way to inform someone they are about to be de-friended:

Maybe what we need to do is make up a

Dear __________,

This is to notify you that you are being defriended by __________ because:

(please choose all that apply)

__ You post too much about Smallville.
__ You post too much about Lord of the Rings.
__ You post too much about Slayers.
__ You post too much about Anime.
__ You post too much about Popslash.
__ You post too much about _(insert name of fandom here)_
__ You post too much about The War With Iraq.
__ You post too much about Nimbus 2003.
__ You post too much about Meta.
__ You post too much about your ridiculous real life.
__ You post too much about (pick all that apply) your kid/husband/boyfriend/bestfriend/pregnancy/fights with your mother
__ You post too much about your own fic, you obsessed BNF wannabe!
__ You post too much about Weasleycest.
__ You post too much about the Draco Trilogy, That Overrated P.O.S. fanfic.
__ You post too much about nocturne_alley, That Overrated P.O.S. RPG.
__ You post too much about your intellislasher friends, Those Overrated P.O.S. writers.
__ You post too much about your BigNameFan friends, Those Overrated P.O.S. writers.
__ You post too much about Fandom_Wank, Those @#&$!#$*!!! OVERRATED P.O.S. !@#!@$! FLAMERS!11!
__ You post too much about H/D Slash, That Overrated P.O.S. pairing.

__ You use anime smileys.
__ You use terms such as "squee," "t00b," "glomp," and "GATL" ad nauseum
__ You use plebe speak.
__ You post those godawful YM emoticons all over your journal.
__ You stole all my icons, you bitch.
__ You never post about fandom. Get a life.
__ You never post about anything but fandom. Get a life.
__ You defriended me first, you ass.
__ You deleted your journal for the fifth time this month and I've got 3-1 you stay gone til Thursday.
__ You haven't posted in months. I don't think. Wait, who are you again?
__ You actually haven't ever been on my friends list. I just forgot and acted as if you were and we were friends, so now I am trying to save face.


__ I have forgotten your name.
__ I only friended you because my friend did and now she and I aren't speaking so... tough.
__ I only friended you because you're a friend of Cassie Claire's and I thought that meant you'd be cool, but boy was I ever wrong!
__ You have a secret journal and have not friended me on it, which means you must hate me.
__ I have a secret journal and have not friended you on it, so it's time to admit I hate you.
__ I checked your calendar and I see you're filtering me out of posts. Clearly, you hate me.
__ I have more "friends" than "friends-of" and somebody has to go.
__ I finally have more "friends-of" than "friends" and to seal the effect I am downsizing.
__ I never liked your fics, and due to my posse's gang war with yours I can finally say so.
__ I have no problems with you whatsoever, it's just you've become a career liability.
__ They told me I'd be cool if I friended you, but I'M STILL IN THE SAME PLACE! IT'S NOT FAIR!
__ Too many people like you. You're not good PR.
__ Too many people hate you. You're not good PR.

__ Your fics are too OOC.
__ Your fics are too IC.
__ Your fics are too canonical.
__ Your fics aren't canonical.
__ Your fics are too AU.
__ Your fics are too Mary Sued.
__ Your fics are too popular.
__ Your fics aren't popular enough.
__ Your fics are ripoffs of (pick all that apply) DV/TWaV/IP/PB/WotH/Snitch! and/or any other fic known by its initials.
__ Your fics are too smutty.
__ Your fics lack smut.
__ Your fics are nothing but plot.
__ Your fics lack any kind of plot.
__ Your fics are too angsty.
__ Your fics are too fluffy.
__ Your fics are all Snapeslash.
__ Your fics are all H/D.
__ Your fics are all het.
__ Your fics are all horrible.

__ Your mailing list is bigger than mine.

__ Your journal hasn't even been wanked once.
__ If you get wanked any more you'll go blind.
__ Your interests suck.
__ You don't list your friends-of which means you are either insecure and have no friends-of or insecure about your immense popularity. Either way, you are obviously insecure.
__ You do too many fandom memes.
__ You do too many online quizzes.
__ You never use the cut-tag.
__ You set all your mood icons to huge gifs that take half an hour to load.
__ You stole my layout, you bitch.
__ You list *that* person on your friends list, and don't *even* pretend you don't know who I'm talking about, you two timing double-crossing backstabbing asshat! >:0!!!
__ *That* person lists you on their friends list, and (see above)
__ I listed *that* person on my friends list, and sorry, pal, but the userinfo ain't big enough for the two of you.
__ I recently flamed you to a crisp. Kinda silly to deal in formalities now, isn't it?
__ You recently flamed me to a crisp. See above.
__ I'm still sore over the Nazi!Riddle wars.
__ I'm still sore about the Veela Split.
__ I'm still sore about the time you called me an Intellislasher.
__ I'm still sore about the fact you keep using the word "intellislash."
__ I'm still sore about _____ leaving the fandom because of YOU.
__ I'm still sore about the time you wanked me three times in one week.
__ I'm still sore about the time your fandom called mine a bunch of plagiarists.
__ I'm still sore about the time you friended me just because of the bloody VSD's.
__ I'm still sore about the time you WOULDN'T FRIEND ME NO MATTER WHAT I DO BECAUSE I AM YOUR BIGGEST FANGIRL AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHY WHY WHY WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU SEE MYLOVEISSOPURE?!!!!! *weeps*
__ I'm still sore my proposal was passed over for Nimbus.
__ I'm still sore you put me on a Nimbus panel with someone I hate.
__ I'm still sore I posted my last chapter and you didn't make a big LJ Squee over it.
__ I'm still sore you posted your last chapter and everyone made a big Squee over it.
__ I'm still sore you get to jot over to England and meet the posse any time you want.
__ I'm still sore your country is bombing mine.
__ I'm still sore about the fact you voted for Bush and then admitted it.
__ I'm still sore about the fact you write better than me.
__ I'm still sore about the fact we both know I write better than you and you won't admit it.
__ I'm still sore about the time I asked you to beta and asked for honest criticism and you gave it to me.
__ I'm still sore about the time you asked me to beta and I gave you honest criticism and you thought I hated you.
__ I'm still sore about the time my roleplay character and your roleplay character got into a fight and you thought that meant I hated you.
__ I'm still sore about the time your roleplay character fought with mine because why would we have fought unless you hated me?
__ I'm still sore about the time you stole my RPG characterization and used it for your fic.
__ I'm still sore about the time you stole my fic characterization and used it for your RPG.
__ I'm still sore about Cassiegate.
__ I'm still sore about ff.net removing the smut.
__ I'm still sore about the time you made that *horrible* avatar theme and kept it up forever.

__ You cheat at Literati.
__ You wear far too much glitter.
__ You pass around IM transcripts like free candy.
__ You post too many pictures of (pick all that apply) your pet/Orlando Bloom/yourself/anime.
__ Your posts are too long.
__ Your posts are too short.
__ Your posts are too esoteric.
__ Your posts are too plebe.
__ You're online too much.
__ You're never online.
__ I think you've been avoiding me online. Have you been avoiding me?
__ I've been avoiding you online. It's better this way.
__ I found out that you are really the person behind (pick all that apply) Crucio/TheArmchairSlut/Fandom_Review/Stalkme/HornyBabboon/Potterstinks/FermatoJam
__ I don't love you. You don't love me. Da Da Da.
__ I've moved on and have no time for the fandom anymore because of my original writing/new career in porn/new slash pairing of the week/new underground cult hit VSD.
__ I need a life. You're dragging me down.

__ You never comment in my entries.
__ I know you were behind that anonymous comment in that flame war six months ago.
__ You don't log IP's. That ain't right.
__ You went to see the Life of David Gale.
__ You thought it was funny to post a faux flame war on your journal.
__ Oh. Wait. That was a real flame war.
__ I'm not really deleting you, you sucker. It's an April Fool's Joke. Who da shiznit?
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 41 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →