Being able to look outside and see an entire window-full of gorgeous fall foliage everywhere you look--that is also a wonderful feeling. This fall is one of the most beautiful I've ever seen, if not the most beautiful, since living here. I hope that the colors are still as splendid a week from now. I want them to last. And last.
Today and yesterday have been two of the most wonderful days I have experienced--this century. They have been wonderful in the best way life can offer. That kind of wonderful. And it is being impressed upon me all over again how fabulous this year has been, even with its low points--how rich and full of promise and hope and serendipity and serenity. And the autumn is glorious, so indescribably spectacular--the weather, the colors, the warmth and beauty, the feeling of harvest being upon us and all that means. Time has never passed so beautifully before. That song, "Time in a Bottle"--I don't know the words and I have no idea what the song is about, but if ever I could bottle time, I would want it to be now.
There is so much I want to say for how full my heart is, how full of love and joy and happiness. And with no way to express it really, all I can do is look back at the year, wax sentimental, and say thank you. Last year was so hard for me. This time last year, as most of you remember, I was in the process of systematically self-destructing, all over livejournal. I destroyed most of my closest fandom friendships in the process, many of which I know I will never get back, but many more of which I have gotten back and rebuilt or am in the process of rebuilding, in the best ways. I have learned so much and grown so much from that moment to this one, and the experience of just--not only of surviving a year, but of thriving a year, has been so amazing. The experience of taking the year ahead of you and really making it your own and being determined to live the way you want to and be who you want to be, but also to learn, as well, to learn to be graceful and gracious, and ... just to be so determined to be better things. To see yourself becoming better things, and feel like you have succeeded at the most difficult task of all, which is just to be human and be something good all at once.
I feel so surrounded by love. There are people I would not have gotten through this year without, and because I am feeling so full of love, I would like to talk about them a little bit.
Franzi, you are such an invaluable friend, and I respect and admire you so much, and I am so grateful for you and the things you share with me.
Debbie, you are always honest and always supportive and always says what I need to hear without somehow ever making me feel embarrassed or stupid or guilty.
Erica, you are my rock.
Anna and Erin, you are the most amazing friends--you know me so well and have seen me through, supported me through, so much.
Veronica, you are my partner in crime who will always be my ultimate creative inspiration, always.
E.Q., who influences me every single day even though she is thousands of miles away.
ana, Ces, Mira, Shoiryu, Snacky, Hinky, Jeff, Elfy, Eso, and everyone else from journalfen, because having your friendship, even after I had wanked up a storm, was fantastic.
Amalin, and Tess, and Reena, who don't know it, but who have each taught me so much about myself and about what real grace is this year, each of whom I respect now more than ever.
Kash and Kelly. You guys, as a pair and as individuals, are so amazing, so dynamic--I enjoy spending time with you so much and especially when we were in New York together, sharing that experience, there were no two people I would have wanted to be with more than the two of you. You have no idea. You are two of the most accepting, supportive people I know.
Dorrie, without whom I feel certain I would have lost my sanity. You have become so dear to me, and I can't imagine you ever not being in my life.
Alyssa. Oh, Alyssa. You have no idea what an amazing person you are, and how talented, and beautiful, and rare. I care about you so much, and I believe in you, so much. Thank you for being there for me, even when you doubted that you were.
Rach. Where do I begin? Your friendship means more to me than all of this, and without you this last year would have been hollow. Thank you.
Also, it's been a year, and just once, I need to say this: Kristen, Jules, Julie, Mahoney, John, and Heidi, and especially, especially Jen and Clio----thank you for letting me back into your lives in the ways that you have. It has meant so much.
and now I am off to check lj, crawl into bed, and write h/d. ♥