Fabulous. Just fabulous.
I know that I've been bitchy and angry and ranty on LJ lately, and I'm sorry. But the reason I've been so bitchy is that our state congress is about to pass, by a landslide, the anti-gay marriage amendment that we managed to stave off last year. The earliest it could appear on the ballot is 2008, but I've been really just flabbergasted at the fact that in our entire state senate only 7 senators voted against the bill. Just seven. Every Republican state senator voted for it, as well as the majority of the democrats. There was never any remote hope of fighting it, and every gay activist in the state knew that. I have been torn every which way by this happening, because I've done nothing, said nothing, to stop it--I've just watched it happen. I haven't fought, because for months I've known we didn't stand a chance, and I've been watching it coming all week, and I've been frustrated and pissed off and angry at the world, and angry at myself for not doing more even though I knew that there was nothing that could be done.
This is our future. Homosex is an ideology of evil, Spongebob Squarepants wants to molest your children, Discussion of Gay Subject Matter requires a parental advisory warning, controversial subject matter impedes academic freedom, and the vast majority of Americans don't give a fuck. Welcome to the brave new world.
I once had a friend tell me, "it takes a lot of energy to stay angry all the time." She was a former activist. I really understand why she said that. And why the former was there. It takes a lot of energy to get fired up to fight against people who are this determined to oppress your rights because they think you're somehow oppressing theirs. I just. I don't know. Everything feels tired and hopeless just at present. And I just keep thinking--what will they take next? My right to have gay sex? My right to write about gay sex? My right to draw nude art? My right to dance with another woman? My right to look for too long at a beautiful woman?
I read that Clint Eastwood was pissed off and flabbergasted because the Right-Wing was attacking Million Dollar Baby for its pro-assisted suicide stance, and he was kind of like, 'what does it take to make these people happy?'
You'll never make their day, Clint. You'll never be able to give them anything that will satisfy them completely, because what they want ultimately is power--more power over you, over me, over every furthest reach of our daily lives. And once they get it, it still won't be enough. And I keep thinking, 'this is how the Third Reich took power; this is how Stalin ruled Russia, through control and manipulation of the truth, and we know it, we know how to stop it, and we aren't.' And even as I think all that, I just want to give up. God. What an awful feeling.
What with being deathly ill and all, I've used enough Kleenex to clean out all the tree farms in Washington state. I suppose one more kleenex sacrificed purely for the sake of having a good cry over the direction our country is headed in.
And because maybe, for the first time ever, I don't believe people are really good at heart.