let's get the seven lines. (bookshop) wrote,
let's get the seven lines.

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next week i'm thinking of learning the internet.

Thing I have Accomplished This Week - an Epic List:

1. Dunked my toe in an open container of garlic butter. I can't explain how this happened without looking utterly deranged.

2. Accidentally stopped biting my fingernails.

3. Won a statue of a vacuum cleaner.

4. Gotten caught murmuring "M-Flo's in the house, act like you know" by my co-worker. Work is no place for J-pop and its disastrous side-effects. :|

5. Discovered the scandal of James Frey and A Million Little Pieces, which is 4 years old and of interest to no one, except that I'm struck by the fact that a long line of friends, agents, editors, publicists, and Oprah Winfreys could have read tripe like this -

And then there's the time in Paris... Frey stops into a church to have a good cry. There, a "Priest," while pretending to listen to Frey's description of his wrecked life, makes a lunge for Frey's crotch. "You must not resist God's will, my Son," says the priest.

- and believed it. It's sort of scary and sad how such hoaxes succeed on the basis of their appeal to our lowest, basest forms of prejudice and types of tittilation. They are the kinds that manipulate us the most shamelessly, and leave us most ashamed in ourselves when they are revealed to be fake.

6. Read Un Lun Dun by China Mieville, which I'll have more to say about later. However, I must say that the many fine things I've heard about his writing notwithstanding, I would have read his books much faster if I'd known he looked like this. I don't know about you, but after this I'm going to be vastly disappointed if all fantasy writers don't at least display a tattooed forearm or two in their publicity shots.

7. forced Kish to write beautiful Tezuryo, without any notion of how to make her do it again and again and again without my having to kick her repeatedly. She seems to be all about Oshitari/Atobe now but I KNOW it's just because Zoe talks to her more. HER HEART IS WITH ME, MY SHIP, MINE, and come to think of it, YOU LOVE TEZURYO, WHY ARE YOU WORKING AGAINST YOUR OWN INTERESTS, ZOE? God, the life of a tyrannical fandom matriarch is so hard.

8. failed repeatedly to write any of the many things floating around in my brain demanding to be written :
- a short story where a man marries his wife but she isn't really his wife because she's really echizen ryoma a skin-stealing japanese demon, which i had to think about for a year before i could even start it, because (are you listening epon) i am slow

- a fic wherein a giant plant sings to draco which prompts harry to stalk him until they fall in love and draco gets imperiused and ordered to kill him through sundry and illogical methods which you can only get away with in harry potter fanfic because there when things don't make sense, that's the magic of MAGIC! and from there the whole thing sort of spins off into an exaggerated homage to draco veritas and tower with a view, because for all intents and purposes blaise is still a girl, there's still tons of gratuitous fighting-turned-shagging, and love and hate are very much mixed up in my head as much as in the reader's, which has taken me even longer to write, say seven years, because (again, epon) I AM SLOW

- this story about a girl who who just wants to skateboard but who instead finds herself falling for the only other girl in her shop class, which leads to adventure, mayhem, cross-burning, vandalism, and cheap acts of revenge

- an adaptation of the life of Jean Fagin Yellin, which is necessarily also an adaptation of the life of Harriet Jacobs, because why write a story about one deeply inspiring woman when you can write about two at once?

- an 18-month old hikago fic, a 12-month old hikago fic, and a 24-month-old tezuryo fic - hey, add them all up and you have one kindergartener!

- a year-old H/D that somehow also manages to be inspired by the life of Harriet Jacobs. Apparently because in my brain, in the end, everything boils down to "OOH that would make a great Harry/Draco fic." Even and apparently slavery.

9. Written intead: a 3,000 word essay on why Light Yagami is a sociopath, currently sitting there in its ridiculously unread glory reminding me that I'm not even in this fandom.

Fine, Death Note! YOU DON'T DESERVE MY BIASED, LONG-WINDED, AND UNNECESSARY META. Next time I need to ramble on about my serial killer kink I'll just go cozy up to, idk, Dexter fandom. Or for that matter, to Fuji fans. ^__^

And.... the most staggering accomplishment of the week:

10. I have come to possess a giant letter 'e.'

Those of you who follow design blogs to any degree know that letters - yes, as in the alphabet - are huge right now. I HATE this trend. I mean, honestly, it's a letter. It doesn't symbolize anything, and when I look at it I don't see some primitive heiroglyph I can appreciate on an artistic level, I start obsessing over what the letter stands for. I almost made a post the other day about how I strenuously vowed never to have a giant letter hanging on my wall for no reason.

Which just goes to show you that intent-to-LJ can be a death wish. Today, I was given a giant letter wall hanging. To be fair, our office is being repainted and the company logo was dismantled, the pieces passed around all over the office. But no one else understood, as did I, the dark significance of this event:

the letters were coming for me. They knew how much I detested them. I stared blankly at the letter when my boss thrust it into my hand. "What is the 'e' for?" I asked dully. "It's an 'e' for 'hang it on your wall," said my boss.

So I hung it on my wall. And now it's just sitting there. Looming. A large, black, cubicle-darkening 'e.'

Can't even have the decency to be a capital E. No, no, it has to be a lowercase e, because everyone knows lowercasersaurs are that much more insidious.

I have an e.

My boss, walking up to me: Hey, what are you doing right now?

Me: *closing gmail, lj, and delicious* Um. Sucking the least?

Him: Right. Here you go, E for Employee of the month. *hands*

Me: this is a letter.

Him: It is! :D

Me: it's a giant letter.

Him: hang it on your wall!

So I stared, and I hung. My e continued to hang. Ominously.

'Hey,' I said right after hanging up my e, to no one in particular. 'Did you know that letters as wall hangings are really trendy in the design world right now?'

'Really?' said Zon. 'I need to start reading more design blogs.'

'Oh!' I said, mildly startled, as Zon doesn't quite seem the type to worry about decorating. 'I can rec you some good ones. Everyone loves Apartment Therapy, for starters...'

'Oh,' said Zon. 'I meant -' he hesitated and looked at my blank face sadly. 'You know. The Geek kind.'

'Oh,' I said. 'Right. Because this is a web design company.'

'Sometimes we even use computers,' he said gently.


'It's good that you're developing an innate understanding of your job,' he said.

'Go, Aja, go!' my boss chimed in.

Then he threw a football at me. I ducked.

It hit the giant e.

It's planning vengeance.

I can tell.
Tags: gay serial killers, i heart japan, life, things to do when bored at work

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