and the thing i keep coming back to is how easy it would be for akira to just give up and walk away without looking back, and how close he comes to doing that in this ep - but hikaru calls and he always finds something in hikaru that's worth turning back towards, worth waiting and hoping and reaching out for. that act, on akira's part, just devastates me over and over again. the act of holding out hope where no other person in the universe would have sensed what hikaru's destiny truly was, would have held out hope for the potential in this lunatic kid. they are so. god. it's beyond anything.
akira and hikaru have that whole sunset-saturated love scene alone, entirely to themselves (which i'm not going to screencap because if i started i'd be here all night just blubbering in love).
but it struck me tonight (it's taken me like an hour to watch this ep because i keep stopping and replaying EVERYTHING) that there's one thing i never noticed before - sai's reaction shot, the first time we see him after this whole scene has taken place and hikaru has watched akira leave:
he's just watching hikaru, looking like his heart is breaking for that kid.
and also, deep in thought - as if he's starting to really understand what hikaru's potential is, and how akira, by throwing "do you want to play me now or just someday?" back over his shoulder, has just done to it.
i'm going to go cry my heart out now. oh life. oh humanity. oh children.