Everything i am about to say about May 5 has been already said before, so why am I bothering when Hikago fans will CONTINUE TO IGNORE EVERY SINGLE MAY 5 RANT THAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN ON THIS SUBJECT like they ALWAYS DO because they apparently HATE THINGS THAT ARE BEAUTIFUL, one of which is Hikaru NOT FREAKING THE FUCK OUT on May 5?
Here are some facts. Canon facts.
- Exactly one year after Sai disappears, on May 5th, Hikaru is PLAYING A TOURNAMENT GAME. He's playing in the North Star Cup and he's playing with his whole mind and his will focused on beating the shit out of his opponent.
- HE'S NOT ACTING WEIRD. ER THAN USUAL.
- HE'S NOT WITHDRAWING.
- HE'S NOT RUNNING AWAY TO INNOSHIMA.
- HE'S NOT MAKING VAGUE HINTS AT ENDING HIS CAREER OR A DESIRE TO STOP PLAYING GO SO HE CAN GO OFF AND ETERNALLY SEARCH FOR SAI.
- HE'S NOT CALLING TOUYA UP AND FREAKING OUT AT HIM FOR NO REASON.
- IF HIKARU EVEN REMEMBERS WHAT DAY IT IS, HE DOESN'T INDICATE IT BY ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE WAY HE PLAYS GO.
Here is a thought.
It is actually possible that Hikaru's not even thinking "today is the anniversary." It's actually possible that he's no more upset about the insult to Sai's memory occurring today than he would be any other day.
He is angsting about Sai, absolutely. Sai is at the very front and center of his mind. But he's channeling that angst and sadness into his game.
If anything, the most you can say about how Hikaru reacts specifically on May 5th, as opposed to treating it like every other day, is that he's more focused on playing and on winning on May 5th than on any other day. And that's just one year later!!!!!!!!!!! His awareness of what he has lost and what he owes to Sai sharpens his game. AND THAT'S ALL IT DOES. IT DOESN'T BREAK HIM OR DESTROY HIM. It makes him better at what he does, and more sensitive and full of love for the game. :( :( It makes him a beautiful, strong kid. :( :( :( :( Not a whimpy broken kid who's still trying to run away. :(
I am like the 394th person in Hikago Fandom (that's an exaggeration, Hikago fandom is not actually that big) to have said all of the things I just said.
So why, if 394 people have read canon, and 394 people are aware of what Hikaru does IN CANON on May 5th, why, why are there 400 crappy May 5th fics in this fandom?
WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP WRITING CRAPPY MAY 5TH FIC WHEN THEY KNOW IT'S ANTI-CANON? IS IT BECAUSE THEY HATE CANON? IS IT BECAUSE THEY LOVE ANGST MORE THAN THEY LOVE HIKARU?
IS IT BECAUSE THEY JUST WANT TO SEE IF MAYBE THIS 400TH FIC WHERE HIKARU RUNS-OFF-TO-INOSHIMA-TO-VISIT-SHUUSAKU'S-G
RAVE-AND-MAY-OR-MAY-NOT-DRAG-TOUYA-WITH-H IM-BECAUSE-HE'S-UPSET-AND-UNABLE-TO-PLAY-G O-AND-MAY-BE-THINKING-ABOUT-QUITTING-THE-G AME-ALTOGETHER MIGHT JUST BE THE ONE FIC THAT BECOMES THE DEFINITIVE MAY 5 FIC AND CAUSES EVERYONE ELSE TO STOP WRITING CRAPPY MAY 5TH FICS? THAT ARE JUST LIKE THE ONES THAT GOT WRITTEN BEFORE IT?
Here are some things that I would like to see written about May 5th:
- Hikaru almost forgets what day it is because he's so caught up in his insanely busy whirlwind schedule, but remembers just as he sits down to play and reaches for his fan. And the game turns into something amazing.
- Hikaru takes Touya into the Room of Profound Darkness and they play a completely silent, completely intense, completely unofficial match in remembrance of Sai
- Every year the North Star Cup happens on Hikago Day and every year Hikaru makes grandstanding gestures about defeating Ko Yong Ha, until finally Touya is just like "look, if you want to play him that badly just GO TO KOREA FOR A FEW MONTHS" and Hikaru has to awkwardly attempt to explain that it's not really about the opponent so much, and Touya's all like, okay, so you're just insane, and Hikaru is like, well, yeah.
- Hikaru decides to try and fill May 5th up with good memories instead of bad ones, so every year he makes a habit to do something fun and good and happy, like having a party for his friends or playing a special match with touya or making everyone go to a carnival and making touya ride the ferris wheel with him or okay possibly not this cheesy but still, HAPPY MAY 5th. DAY OF CELEBRATION. <3
- Touya finds out about Sai and is like "we should go to Innoshima to remember him" and Hikaru's like "uh can't we just stay here and play go?" and would actually RATHER NOT be dragged away to Inno Island to revisit his childhood trauma and be reminded of the most HEART-CONSTRICTING GRIEF OF HIS ENTIRE LIFE, thanks
- Something wonderful happens on May 5th. Something just purely wonderful, like Hikaru winning Honinbou. <3 or sharing his first kiss with Touya. Or naturally the two of them finding the hand of God. And Hikaru's just like "finally" and Touya's like "?" and Hikaru's like "finally, a new memory."
- Every year on May 5th, HIKARU SUPERNATURALLY BECOMES 10 TIMES SCARIER AS A PLAYER THAN ON ANY OTHER DAY. Touya realizes this because he's Touya and obsessed adskjf;ldsa. It's like Brigadoon or something. Touya would be all... "Once a year.... that other person appears within you. It's as if the two of you become one player. Next year.... will you be undefeatable? I AM THE ONLY ONE STRONG ENOUGH TO CHALLENGE YOU ON THIS DAY!" And Hikaru's just like *facepalm* except, of course, Touya being Touya, he's totally right. *_*
OR, YOU KNOW, COME UP WITH SOMETHING DIFFERENT. SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE RUNNING AWAY OR DROWNING IN ANGST OR CRYPTIC SYMBOLIC BUT ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS HOMAGES TO SAI.
come up with a way of writing about May 5 that's full of fight and spirit and life and love and ebullience and hope and a look forward instead of backwards, because all those things are Hikaru.
Dwelling on the past and lingering too long? That's SAI, not Hikaru. But Hikaru is the future. Hikaru is the one who moves ahead. He can't do it if every year on May 5th, he's suddenly and abruptly mired in the angst of 2002.