let's get the seven lines. (bookshop) wrote,
let's get the seven lines.
bookshop

humor my spam, i'm taking a sick day

...and okay so now i'm rereading my five-year-old (jesus, how the time flies) essay on Draco, and getting pissed off at JKR all over again.

Just last night I was lying in bed thinking about the Epilogue. (Shut up, you do it too. Don't lie.) And thinking about how unfulfilling it was, how in a single lame chapter she managed to sweep under the rug, shortchange, or ignore just about all her primary narrative themes. Now, here I am, re-reading this essay, and wow. It is full of all the faith and confidence I had in the narrative back then, as an HP fan post book-5, clinging to the hope that OOTP was just a giant wtf fluke and that the promise of house unity and getting some seriously badass Slytherins all up in here would be fulfilled by the final two books.

well, THANKS FOR NOTHING, JO. Yes, I liked your final two books. Yes, I still love your stupid amazing universe and the stupid amazing boy who never-actually-directly-defeated-Voldemort. Yes, I will be forever grateful for the Harry/Draco fanfic otherwise known as Half-Blood Prince.

But OH LADY, DID YOU EVER FAIL AT YOUR OBJECTIVE. FAAAAAAIL.


Poll #1343683 FAAAAAAIL!

FAILURE, FAILURE, UTTER UTTER FAILURE!

SERIOUSLY, not even a so much as a "well, actually, Al, it's okay for you to be in Slytherin!"
1(0.6%)
Seriously, what's the point of letting ALL the Malfoys survive if they just turn out to be excluded, bitter, mistrusted, BALDING, and with progeny equally as prejudiced, mistrustful, houseist, and horrendously-named as their forefathers?
0(0.0%)
did you just say 'houseist?'
0(0.0%)
shut up we are focusing on JKR's failings, not mine, and SPEAKING OF WHICH: "ALBUS SEVERUS." FAILLLLLL.
0(0.0%)
Oh for the days of Scorpio Nespoir!
1(0.6%)
Are we not talking about the OBHWF ending here? Or the Harry/Ginny? Or the inexplicable nature of Remus's son still being in high school? OR THE HARRY/GINNY?
1(0.6%)
really, she looked through that handwritten list of all the current hogwarts students and she couldn't even find ONE good slytherin?
1(0.6%)
one gets the feeling that after the great battle of hogwarts they just gave the sorting hat away to a millinery. talk about being completely outdated. House Unity? what are you, some kind of hippy free-love hat? GTFO.
1(0.6%)
or maybe "it's ok, Slytherin is great!" instead of "it's ok, people escape their evil Slytherin past all the time, & if you get put there it's ok b/c you can always BEG NOT TO BE SLYTHERIN!" Fail failfailfailfailfailfailfai
0(0.0%)
FAIL. FAIL, TICKY BOX OF FAIL.
2(1.1%)
Look, Aja, maybe she just didn't think she *needed* to redeem Slytherin. She redeemed Snape, WAS THIS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU? IT WASN'T? YOU WANTED ACTUAL SOCIETAL PROGRESS? oh my god you got alan rickman, was that not enough? YOU fail, Aja. Yes, you.
1(0.6%)
lol societal progress. look, we all know you are just bitter about draco's bald spot and the sadly continued existence of ginny weasley.
3(1.7%)
but but but JUST ONE SLYTHERIN STUDENT. JUST ONE. :(
2(1.1%)
What? Why am I expecting in-depth characterization from canon, that's what fanfic is for? I GIVE UP. I GIVE UP.
3(1.7%)
.....but really. as long as fanfic exists, draco will never lose all his hair. thank god for small miracles. <3
4(2.3%)
Tags: books, draco, draco malfoy-what's your issue?, hp canon, hp fandom, polls
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