sdfjkas;jksdd THERE WILL MAYBE EVENTUALLY BE MORE. to come. maybe. um. (also! this was not supposed to be a real fic but yeats overruled me, so i will just say that this was initially a much poorer fic until the lovely _fx got hold of it and made me rework it into something marginally better. <3 thank you!)
After top 13 Kris had less and less time to spend with Katy. Her friends back home all told her she should be grateful that the thrill of romance hadn’t had time to wear off yet. “Honey, you haven’t had him home long enough to get sick of him,” Kris’s mom told her; and Katy always laughed, but she was already wondering what six more months on tour, away from her, would do to a marriage that had yet to really get started.
It wasn’t that she was worried. She hadn’t dated the guy for, lord, six years, to start feeling nervous now; and she and Kris had never been jealous or possessive, even during the year they tried dating other people. But there was a part of her that felt cheated, like they’ gotten married but had gone straight to the cliché where husband and wife led separate lives and barely ever saw each other, without any honeymoon period at all.
They’d never done anything else the normal way, so it just figured they’d wind up getting that part backwards too. They’d fallen in love in high school and had never dated anyone else until they decided maybe they should try it out just to make sure they weren’t missing out on anything. And even then, they’d treated the whole thing like a giant experiment. Other people were less like competition and more like…downtime.
Her only moment of real uncertainty had come the night Kris came home from a double date and laughed into the phone when Katy asked how it’d gone. “Eh,” he’d said. “She was okay.” And then after a moment: “Her brother, though…”
The way he said it surprised a laugh out of Katy. “Oh, really,” she said. “Something you want to tell me?”
She hadn’t known what she was expecting in that moment, but it wasn’t for Kris to mumble half-jokingly, “Nah,” and muffle a laugh. “Maybe later.”
Later came exactly three years and two months afterward for Katy, when she met Kris and Adam in the lounge at the mansion and found them sitting on the couch in the back -- Kris with his legs tucked up and sheet music resting on his knees, Adam stretched out on the opposite end with his eyes closed, listening to his ipod. It was banal and meaningless, and somehow the moment Katy walked in she felt like she’d intruded. She stood there, in the doorway, and tried to crush the feeling for a moment before she realized she couldn’t. Couldn’t smother it, couldn’t begin to know what it meant. The truth of it would have to settle over her gently so she could get used to the weight of it.
Kris looked up and smiled at her, his big bright smile, and was halfway across the room before Adam opened his eyes and sprang up to join him. Katy watched Adam join Kris in two long strides across the room. She watched Kris slip his hand on Adam’s back. And before she could look at long enough for it to crush her, she reached out her arms to them both.
Kris reached her first, hugged her hard and kissed her hair, but it was Adam who engulfed her, wrapped his arms around her and Kris both, resting his head against her chin. He was so much bigger than her or Kris, and for a moment she let herself look, the way she imagined Kris might let himself look when no one would ever know. She let herself linger over the curves of Adam’s face, the porcelain quality of his lips and eyes and chin. She saw how the illusion of delicacy stopped at the dusting of freckles on his shoulders, and how everything from there on down was all power and strength and what he could do with those muscles in his thighs - and when he leaned in and kissed her cheek, stubble scraping her jaw, she was sure she heard the hitch in her breath that shouldn‘t have been there.
She reached out to ruffle his hair, which was so slicked-back she barely made it so much as twinge before he squeaked and laughed and shoved her away. He pushed her gently over towards Kris, smiling at both of them like he meant it. It was the wrong kind of smile, the kind of smile he used on Gokey and Simon. Never on Kris. Never on Katy.
For a second she hated him for that, for being insincere with Kris when Kris was wearing his heart on his sleeve for Adam, when there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Adam -
It felt like an eternity between the moment Katy decided not to scratch Adam Lambert’s eyes out with her fingernails and the moment she turned around and kissed Kris on the mouth. He was warm and clean and just the same as always, and he leaned his temple against her forehead when they broke apart, and said, “Hey.”
Just for a second, he was the boy she used to have to bribe to sing to her with kisses, the boy who used to write her name next to his on the back of his geometry notebook.
Then he looked over her head, and flashed a bright, totally innocent smile at Adam, and Katy almost laughed out loud, because she’d actually thought that everything before this had been the test of her faith.
She and Kris had tried their best as to stay pure before God and Conway, but that worked about as well as it ever did for two horny teens living in a part of the country where driving in circles around the parking lot of the Piggly-Wiggly was still a viable option for weekend entertainment. By the time Kris went off to college they’d decided they were both pretty much out of technicalities and flung their promise rings into the Arkansas River.
“I don’t feel guilty,” she’d said afterwards. “Do you?”
He’d kissed her and then kissed her shoulder, and said, “Nah,” and kissed her again. She’d felt so warm and protected, and she’d wondered how she could feel that way in the middle of what was supposed to be the first big outright sinful thing she’d ever done. It wasn’t like she’ felt guilty going in - they never would have done it if she had - but you were supposed to feel at least a little convicted later on, or so she’d always thought. Instead she just felt so safe, wrapped up in love inside and out. And it felt a little surreal, too, like everything she’d known about being holy had been cocooned inside of her up til that moment, waiting to hatch into something new and shimmering and barely understood.
“God’s not gonna stop loving us just because we step outside the lines,” Kris said.
He’d been right.
Kris liked to roll her over, hold her down, and tell her all the things he wanted to do to her, and it was delicious and filthy and awesome, and whoever said 23 was too young to get married had obviously never had sex the way they had it, or else they’d have said 23 wasn’t soon enough. They liked to see who could talk the dirtiest and get the other off the fastest. Kris would shock her nearly every time; he would start talking and the craziest things would come tumbling out, like he’d had some time to really think about all this stuff and now, when she hit the right combination of words, he’d spill out confessions like coins from her own personal slot machine. It was adorable, and hot, and a little scary to see him that way - and she felt like between the two of them they'd always known that she could stroke him just right and he'd tell her things he'd never admit to later on. She'd always wanted to be that open and honest with him, but there hadn't been a lot inside her that he didn't already know about. Up til then.
Once he reached Top 8 it was like something flipped a switch, and every time they were together Kris would place his hands on either side of her hips and draw her in like he was desperate for it, for anything she could give him. She was into it, but she would wonder if he was buzzed from being around Adam all the time, if she was harnessing leftover energy generated by someone else's spark, not her own. Katy had never been the jealous kind before this; but this didn't feel like jealousy. It was a slow, irritating burn, a fantasy and a fear at once. And still she would catch herself getting flustered for no reason at all when Adam came up behind her and hugged her. Or when he would kiss Kris on the temple and then dart her a quick glance, and Katy couldn't tell if he'd done it to see if she hadn't noticed, or to make sure she had.
And then there were the moments Kris caught Katy looking, and Katy couldn't begin to pretend she'd been doing anything else. It was worse than if she'd confessed, because now Kris knew that she knew, when she'd never said a word. She'd never even known she had buttons to push.
His family and Adam's were both staying at the Standard - they'd come over together from the mansion in the same limo, cameras rolling while Adam rested his hand on the back of Kris's neck and Kris waved sheepishly to the paps. Katy had watched Kris linger, leaning into Adam's side without even knowing he was doing it. She'd been unsurprised when he'd greeted her by pulling her to back to her hotel room and tugging her against him, a bundle of tired eagerness. He was all adrenalin, full of an excitement that tingled in her nerves and made her skin feel limned with electricity beneath his touch, as if it had been years and not weeks since he‘d last touched her.
They'd engaged in the usual dirty talk, just for fun, and she'd murmured something about Allison, giggling at his total shock, and then they ended up tussling and laughing and joking about jailbait before finally Kris swatted at her and flipped her beneath him and said, in a totally different voice, "I know who turns you on," and just like that the air vanished from the room and the laughter from Katy's throat.
Kris ran his thumb over her collarbone, studying the column of her throat deliberately, not her eyes. "You can't help yourself, can you?” He leaned in and followed the trail of his thumb with his mouth, drawing gasps and arches from her wherever he chose to bite and taste her, and for a few moments there was no one but him, no one on earth but him.
But when she opened her eyes a moment later, he was watching her with a look half-aroused and half-wary, and in a flash she knew that he wanted to go there, that he was waiting on her because he couldn’t go there without her.
She licked her lips and reached up to undo the buttons of his shirt. He leaned over her, a worn-out, unshaven mix of desire and raw nerves. Delicious.
“Neither can you,” she said, letting her voice drop. “You want him to eat you up.”
Kris stared at her, his breath quickening, and brought one hand up to tug her blouse open. He shivered, and she pushed his shirt off of his shoulders. “You want his mouth on your cock,” she said, and she knew it, knew by the way he shifted immediately against her, adjusting to the insistent press of his cock in his jeans, that she had always been right. She felt a completely selfish thrill of vindication, and a twinge of pure desire spark between her thighs.
He sat back on his knees to tug her free of her shirt and bra, and said hoarsely, his hands traveling over her stomach, “You want me to watch while you - while the two of you -” and he hesitated, just uncertain enough that she knew he wanted her to take over.
“You want to watch me get fucked,” she said, fumbling with her jeans. “I want to watch you get fucked.”
“Oh, god,” Kris mumbled, and managed to undo the fly on her jeans with one hand and cup himself with the other.
She grinned up at him. “Think you handle that? Can you take it while I watch?”
He let out a low curse and freed himself from his boxers, jeans slipping over his thighs to reveal exactly how turned on he was. It was Katy’s turn to swear.
“What about the two of us - would you watch the whole time?” she said, wriggling out of the rest of her clothes and making a point of brushing her stomach against his hard-on. He was staring down at her, mouth open and dry, almost dazed with it. God, he had no clue how hot that was, how hot he was. “Or would you have to join in?”
“Katy,” he said, sounding mortified and rapturous all at once. She stretched out beneath him and reached into the nightstand for a condom. “God, Katy.” He leaned down and nuzzled her chest.
“Tell me,” she whispered. “Tell me what you want.”
There was a long moment when silence stretched between them, when she felt Kris gathering himself, trying to contain his emotions as she rolled the condom on between them and guided him inside her. Then another long, steadying breath, and she was so full and stretched around him that she had to remember to unclench and focus, to listen for the words when he started to speak, quiet and hesitant.
“I want to watch you ride him,” he said, thrusting into her jerkily, so that she had to shift to meet him, trail her fingers along the back of his neck to calm him. “He’s so big and you’re so tiny, god, I want to see - fuck - how the two of you fit together.”
“Kris,” she whispered, drawing him in further, trying to hold back the rush of feeling when she closed her eyes and saw the image of it in her mind, imagined being held down and thoroughly fucked and Kris just letting it happen - “oh, god, yes.”
“I want to watch him pick you up,” Kris said. “I want to watch - no, I want to hold you in place while he fucks you, I want to feel him inside you - Katy - god, Katy, I didn’t think - I didn’t know I --”
“Shh, don’t stop,” she said, pulling him down for a quick kiss. “I love you, I love this, keep going.”
Kris’s eyes were dark, nearly dilated. “You’re amazing,” he murmured, kissing her throat. “If I’d known you wanted this I would have told you, I’d’ve - how often I’ve thought about it.”
You didn’t have to tell me, she thought. “You can tell me anything,” was what she said. “Keep going, keep saying it.”
Kris shuddered, bit the inside of his cheek. She could feel him starting to tremble, and fought the urge to tighten her muscles around him. She didn’t want him to come, not yet. Not until she’d heard him say it.
“He’d fuck you,” he said, “and then - shit - he‘d let me suck him off and then he’d just take me.” Katy hissed in a breath she couldn’t help stuttering over; Kris’s own breathing was unsteady, his voice reedy with effort. “And, just, god, I’d want him to just take over and not even give me a choice about what I wanted, just hold me down and do me - any way he wanted to - ”
Kris’s voice broke, and he wrenched his eyes shut like he was imagining what Adam would feel like inside of him right now, and Katy felt her thighs tense before she had even registered how hot that was, how Adam would look with his hair plastered against the sides of his face and his arms around Kris - Kris’s face clenched with need the way it was now -
and that was it, oh, god, she couldn’t even - “Yes, that, yes,” she choked out, and, “Kris, oh, my god, say his name, I need to hear you,” and she felt him go taut all over before the words tumbled over themselves, “Adam, fuck, Adam,” and he was coming inside her, hard and deep, like a bass line pulsing through every inch of her body.
“Wow,” she said. They were lying side by side, pretty much in a state of mutual blissed-out shock, and neither of them had spoken for the past several minutes, since he’d rolled over in a daze, Adam’s name still trailing from his lips.
“Wow,” he echoed. And then, with all the earnestness she prayed he never lost, he turned to her and said, “Katy, I want you to know that this has never been an issue. Adam’s never once - never even hinted at wanting anything between us.”
“Shh,” she said, and cut him off with a quick kiss. “What issue is there, really? Did we or did we not just have amazing sex?”
Kris wiped his hand over his face. “Uh,” he said. “Yeah.”
Katy let a nervous laugh escape her and moved to kiss his chest. “Then there's no issue. It was just a fantasy.”
Kris let out a shaky breath. “Okay,” he said. "Okay."
Katy squeezed his hand, trying hard to hope that this was an end to everything, and not the beginning.